What does she see when she looks in the mirror? A wanderer or a lost soul? Uncontrollable passion that hasn’t been expressed Or wild dreams and big hopes she wishes to live, but hasn’t dared to yet? She feels inky shadows and pain; they seem real and they haunt her. They’re not real – they were made up, years ago, to protect her. She sees them, she feels them – she goes back in time along tracks of memory where they can be found. She sees the same woman, but not grown up yet – she’s a little baby creating definitions of the world around her. She meets her reflection – a warrior who loves to explore, who enjoys laughter and freedom, makes choices and isn’t afraid anymore. She smiles at herself, because she knows now – her heart is much stronger than the memories her mind has been holding on for too long. So who is she? A mother? A lover? A daughter? A child who’s afraid to grow up? The more she lets people know her, the more they love her for her; She’s a sacred and never fully understood mysterious language of gods, a turbulent gust of cold air, she’s a fire, and the calm after a storm in the sea. But more so than anything, she’s the master of her own infinite creative power and beautiful feminine essence designed to connect with the gods.
In a moment of icy crystal like clarity My wounded heart was beating so loud, in a dusky restaurant, I was afraid that he would hear it and ask about the wide eyed look and rose-pink hot-flushed cheeks When suddenly I saw my own fear infused, ever expanding, like a stain of blue ink on a white satin sheet, insanity. What I was trying to achieve, perhaps not what, but how, it startled me, stabbed me to my core with a pair of cold, stainless steel scissors By betraying my own tired heart, by going for something that has never been true for me which I knew right from the tangled-web-like start; I hurt myself like a bird fallen from the sky that didn’t spread its wings and violently crashed to the cemented ground. This wasn’t a life anymore, but pretty lies to me, my soul and I. Running from my own truth. Lacking the courage to ignite a fire in my jaded heart. Not allowing myself to believe, not allowing to love. Except that the lies weren’t pretty anymore. And even though, out of marmite ridden guilt or maybe fear, I’ve still tried, the convincing, ghostly blindness which used to be my friend, Didn’t have that hypnotic power over me anymore as much. The truth has pierced its eyes wide open. It made me feel the flowery drops of dew in early morning on my thirsty skin. It’s slowly steered me towards a clearing in the bleak and shapeless day, perhaps it’s impelled me in the direction of love. I was left alone. Again. To figure things out. To choose yet another voyager sailboat in the stormy ocean, no, not even on solid ground. Well, either that or stick to something that I’ve known – the pretty lies. The ones that I’ve been using to betray my own heart. And all I needed to realise the truth was a conversation with the perfect stranger in a candlelit restaurant with casual yet stylish deco, Where waiters smile at you and treat you like a king; In the city restaurant filled with hope and expectations, of multiple hearts looking for home – to belong, to feel safe, to run wild and to accept themselves. The arrogant stranger who shook me to my core, I thank him. He tossed a shiny golden coin onto darkest ground and disappeared into his granite castle. And in that way he’s perfect. Never to be seen again yet never forgotten. I picked up the coin with my cold, trembling hands and promised to my heart that I’d pay the price to listen to my soul until the language that it speaks to me feels finally like home.
The first few months of this year were pretty awful. And it felt like the world, as I knew it, was falling apart. It wasn’t bad luck, unfortunate circumstances or people in my life. It all was down to my focus and what I had believed I deserved versus what I really wanted. And hey, I guess some old structures have to fall apart so that we can create new, better ones.
But… I pulled through, refocused on what matters to me, and looking back I can reflect on the amazing year that I’ve had. So much has happened since then and I feel incredibly grateful for what I’ve created and experienced. Isn’t in fascinating how much life can change within a year? And friends… I’m lucky to have some wonderful peeps in my life. You know who you are.
And for those of you who don’t feel that this year has been particularly good, it doesn’t matter. Really. It doesn’t mean anything about you, it’s not personal. If one year didn’t go as well as you would have liked it to, it’s never too late to create a change. So here’s to the New Year ahead. May it be bright, adventurous, exciting and bring you all that you truly desire. May your wildest dreams come true!
Happy New Year, folks!
“If you want the whole thing, gods will give it to you, but you must be ready for it.” Joseph Campbell
The Law of Attraction and focusing on the positive – something that many people talk about nowadays. And it often can be great, but what most people don’t realise is that they also need to deal with what’s in their unconscious mind (limiting beliefs/assumptions and perception formed in line with the beliefs). In other words, it’s what they’re telling themselves just beneath the level of conscious awareness.
And because belief creates reality until it’s brought into conscious awareness it will shape a lot in one’s life – often in such subtle ways that it will be hard to spot it at first. It’s important to know that the more you focus on what you want the more your unconscious beliefs get triggered, and so, two very different forces are at play.
Very often, what may appear as bad luck or unfortunate circumstance is nothing more than us creating our reality, unconsciously, yet not even being aware that we do it. If you really want to experience life to its fullest depths please do yourself a favour and get to know yourself. And no, it won’t always be pleasant, but nothing will make you more awake and empowered. Because only when you know what you believe about yourself, others and the world, only then you can do something about it.
Many of us are afraid to admit to ourselves or others when things aren’t great in life, because we believe that we need to maintain the mask of perfection and that we’ll be rejected if we show our true selves. But is it true? Or is it what we’re telling ourselves?
Don’t wait for a better tomorrow to come. You’re a powerful creator and it really is possible to experience what you’ve only dreamed of for so long. Regardless of whether you’ve created great achievements or a lot of pain and failure, the key point is that you’re always the one who creates your reality. And choosing what we create, as any other skill, can be learnt and used to a great extent. 🌟🌎🌗💖