Open Heart

I wrote this poem a while ago, but I’ve been too afraid to post it. Simply, because it’s too open and so personal at the same time. Heck, I even get emotional when I read it now. I don’t even write poems very often, but when I do I post them on my blog (at least the ones that are complete anyway).  But here’s what happened… I wanted to read it and I couldn’t find it. And it upset me tremendously, for reasons that I don’t even understand. And then I found it in an archived WhatsApp message sent to Mr Someone himself.

So here’s the thing. Creativity and self-expression both go hand in hand. Because every time you create something you invest a piece of your heart. At least I do.  And it just so happens that I’ve chosen a path of the creative. And that requires vulnerability and living with an open heart. So regardless of how I feel, I want it to be on my blog, where it belongs, together with my other poems. Because it’s not just about him, it’s also about me and self-expression.  It’s something that I invested my time, emotions and my heart into. Regardless of its quality or relevance to what is happening in my life right now, it is my creation and I choose to let it out into the open.  All creations should be out there, really.

And my message to you is this: do not hold yourself back. Excitement, passion and imagination do not live there. And when you deprive yourself of self-expression and imagination, life feels bleak and monotonous. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what others think about you or how deep into your soul they see. They do not live your life, you do. So choose to be vulnerable, again and again. And always choose love, even if it feels like your heart has been broken a million times. Most importantly, choose to be true to yourself and follow your heart. I promise, it will certainly take you places.

Letting Go

I think of you when I can’t fall asleep at night.
Or can’t I fall asleep because I think of you?
I long for your touch. Your smell.
Your strong arms around me.
Your smile in the morning and a twinkle
in your eye when you wake up next to me.

I thought love would fade, but it hasn’t.
I didn’t know I could love you this much.
Regardless of what had happened between us,
You’re still the one that I love.

When you left, the world felt strange,
because someone so dear to me wasn’t there anymore.
I kept telling myself that we’re wrong for each other
and that you didn’t feel what I felt anyway.

I tried to convince myself that I didn’t feel
what I’ve felt for you either.
Only god knows how many nights I cried and
told myself it would be the last time.
Yet, lying to myself didn’t stop me from feeling
So I had to learn how to accept love
and all that followed with that.

Love. Loss. Pain. Anger. Confusion.
Guilt. Blame… to name just a few.
So many memories just kept emerging
And, god, I struggled profusely to let go of them.
Yet, sometimes I’d detach from feeling completely
and lived like an emotionless shell.

But letting go is inevitable I guess.
And so is being connected to love.
And loving someone whether you’re with them or not,
despite the distance between you, the circumstance
and even the past… It’s beautiful. And liberating.
I guess it shows who you are.

I’m so content when I see you… it scares me.
I’m always nervous and a little afraid to see you again.
I realise that our closeness and connection are strong:
it’s like the ever burning fire between us,
but it burns our hearts too.

Two forces. Inside me.
They fight between themselves and they keep telling me things.
One says to run, to forget you and to never look back,
but the other one tells me to always choose love.

It’s time. It’s time to move on and let go again.
I don’t expect anything nor do I ask you to give what you can’t.
But I’ll say one thing: there’s a lot of beauty inside you
and I will always be grateful for having experienced that.

The last time I saw you it was a wonderful gift.
Exciting, yet so emotional, maybe because
it felt like our final goodbye.
No fights or arguments, just two people
spending time together and feeling each other’s hearts.

I wonder, when did it really end?
When did we stop talking to each other
and decided to leave so many words unsaid?
What happened to openness, to trusting each other
and speaking from our hearts?
What happened to working things out?
What happened to our love?

Yet here I am again, letting you go…
Because it takes two people to build something,
because it takes two people to choose.

I wanted to talk to you, but I was afraid that I’d lose it
and I guess you’ve been going through some memories too.
So here’s my poem, merely expressing what I wanted to tell you
and, finally, letting myself to walk away too.

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Elena’s Story

I met a woman yesterday (let’s call her Elena) and she shared an incredible story. I’ll tell you a little shorter version of it, but tell you I must.

 
Elena has had some heart complications for most of her life; and one time, in the presence of her mother, she went into cardiac arrest. The mother was crying and shouting that her daughter was dead, and she kept telling Elena that she loved her and was asking her not to go.

 
Elena remembered hearing her mother’s words and by the time her mother had said, ‘love’ for the 3rd time, in her unconscious state, Elena suddenly saw a tall column of bright white light with lots of number sequences in it, moving at incredible speed. And that column of light flowed into her heart and Elena regained consciousness. She described what she experienced as ‘god’.

 
The story made me think of two things: 

 
1. There’s no more powerful force than love 
2. There’s light in each and every one of us

 
So let go of past pains and disappointments, don’t hold onto memories which you cannot change. Stop going back and thinking about what could have been done differently. Even if you’re hurt, connect to what’s higher in people and even if you cannot love, at least acknowledge and appreciate that part of them and, most importantly, let go. Because the person transformed by that experience will be you. Because you deserve to be free. 

 
What’s yours will always find you, but the key is to be open enough to receive it.  What we want most is often within arms reach, but we’re so blinded by our ego that we refuse to see it. So ask yourself, what is it that you truly want, but are not allowing yourself to have it? And remember, we’re infinitely loved and guided. We are love. ♥️