What’s a Soulmate?

A friend of mine recently said to me, ‘You don’t meet a soulmate, you become soulmates.’ And it rang so true.

Soulmates, what a concept, huh? According to one of the many existing definitions, it means a person who’s ideally suited to another as a friend or romantic partner. Personally, I believe I’ve met soulmates in my lifetime, but it’s not what I’m going to talk here about.

Soooo… if a soulmate is ideally suited to us, let’s say as a romantic partner, then, according to some people, it means that when we meet them our love life will be perfectly mind blowing, because now we’re with the soulmate, right? That one ideal person…

But what if sometimes that soulmate will be an ordinary person at first? What if it takes time to become soulmates? And I hate to spill the beans, but sometimes that person will trigger you more than anyone else. There will be times when you hate their guts and at other times you’ll love them to the moon and back. They’ll hurt you, you’ll hurt them too. Ideals don’t exist, fantasies do.

‘Soulmate’ to me has become somewhat of a cliché recently, mainly because I’ve heard quite a few people saying that there’s this one perfect person who’ll walk into your life and make it all wonderful. Like, seriously? If so, why haven’t they walked in yet? 🤷‍♀️

And even if that one perfect person walked into your life, what if you’re not in the right place to see them? What if you’re looking for non-existent perfection (or just saying it to yourself out of fear) so you can keep yourself safe? And let’s face it, entering a relationship, opening your heart, being vulnerable with someone is not always easy.

It takes two to tango. And let me tell you, in order to become soulmates, to be ideally suited for your partner you still need to put some effort in and do the work. And until you ‘become’ soulmates, you’ll have to go through some discomfort, which can often be challenging. And sometimes it can take months or years to get there.

Through ups and downs, through doubts, through breakups, confusion, boredom, waves of passion and extreme sense of experiencing love in its romantic notion as well as unconditional, spiritual love. What I’m saying is that relationships take time and effort.

And sometimes the more open you become to someone the stronger gets the desire to run away. And no, you won’t tell yourself, ‘I’m scared of commitment’ or ‘I’m scared because it’s getting real’… Instead you’ll be looking at what’s wrong with the person and tick off a mental checklist of why you can’t be with them. Because running away is easy, right? Especially if you’ve done it quite a few times before. Because that’s what fear makes us do. And what we already know feels so damn comfortable.

You’ll say to yourself that someone is not the right fit for you, that you’re better off by searching for someone else, aka perfection. Except that you may never find it, because searching for love, just as everything else in life is a pattern.

Just look at your past relationships, how many of them started off perfectly yet ended up exactly the same? People say that faces change, but situations are the same. Do you ever wonder why?

John De Martini ran a webinar on relationships and he was talking about the reflection of ownership of traits. He went on to say that people always discover that they have never seen a trait in others that they haven’t owned. Basically, you have every trait and to live in the fantasy that you’re good whilst another person is bad is delusional. So, if you judge your partner for certain traits that they display, look for the very same traits within yourself. Of course, it’s easy to point fingers at others, surely much easier than looking at ourselves, but by judging others we won’t get very far.

So, what’s the cure I hear you ask? Knowing yourself deeply is A cure. All of it. The good, the bad and the ugly. Not just acknowledging how you feel or what you think, because thoughts and feelings will often be swayed by your perception. But really looking above and beyond into your psyche and doing the necessary work. Learning to recognise how you sabotage yourself, what patterns you’ve created and how those patterns have been driving your behaviour. Oh, and stories you tell yourself daily, they matter too.

If you’re in a good relationship don’t give up when things get tough, work on it, communicate with your partner. And yes, sometimes the two of you will be on different wavelengths of communication, because we’re the most complex creatures ever. Some people will be able to see right through you, yet some will see whatever they want to see, depending on their level of awareness amongst many other things.

Because we see the world through our own lenses, which are very unique for everybody, misunderstandings will be very common. And for that reason, open communication is a lifesaver here. Learn how to talk. Risk to be misunderstood even more, make close friends with vulnerability and talk about your deepest fears and your biggest dreams. And sometimes you’ll have to walk away, especially if you’ve tried everything and it still hasn’t worked. And don’t ever think that your time has been wasted. Anything that led you closer to your own heart is not a waste of time. 💖

And that is how, my friends, conscious relationships are made. I stress ‘conscious’, because nowadays there are a lot of fun, surface type of relationships too. You know, the ones where you just get together and have fun. Or the ones where you just want it all to be super easy and when conflict arises and things don’t work out you move on.

This is not to say that I don’t believe in soulmates. I most certainly do. I just don’t believe in the deluded romantic notion of it. I also believe in becoming your own soulmate first, but I’ll write about that in another post.

And if someone here has had a super easy flowing conscious relationship right from the start please enlighten me. Maybe perfection does exist after all.alvin-mahmudov-619847-unsplash

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Connection

I experienced something worth sharing the other day.

A friend close to me said that they felt like we didn’t connect at times. They gave me a few examples which didn’t make much sense to me, simply because I didn’t feel the same way about it.

I found it quite odd, because I felt like we connected pretty well and was wondering where did they get this idea from. I put it down to people having different perception and didn’t worry too much about it (or so I thought).

A few days later, regarding the said friend, I noticed that I felt disconnected from them myself. That automatically made me want to talk to them less and I felt some sort of anger rising inside and was looking at everything that the person did wrong in my opinion. This, obviously, helped me to disconnect even more.

Finally, I thought, I realised what they were talking about, but what wasn’t clear to me, why did I suddenly feel it too? And why didn’t I feel it before?

So I looked into it a little deeper and it dawned onto me that I was actually closing my heart; I could almost physically feel it contracting.

Whatever they said, somewhere deep in my unconscious I made it mean something about myself and my way of dealing with it was closing my heart and shutting them out. After all, if they felt like we didn’t connect, shouldn’t I be feeling the same?

I’ve never thought about it like this before, but if you live with an open heart, love flows and connection is just a by-product. Things are easy and natural, you love people and accept them for who they are.

But, if for whatever reason you feel disconnected from someone, look inside yourself. Are you keeping your heart closed? What are your beliefs behind it? Are you able to even receive love? If you can’t connect to another person, most likely, the issue is with you, not with them.

Remember, the more love you give out, the more of it comes back to you. Someone said that there’s nothing more artistic than loving people and I couldn’t agree more.

The moment I realised what was happening I let go and the connection was back. So couldn’t we really connect or was it my own perception (followed by very convincing thoughts and feelings) that led me there in the first place?

That’s why there’s a saying that the truth will set you free. And what I mean by the truth is really knowing yourself and being able to see what’s going on outside your thoughts and feelings.

Thoughts and feelings are very good at making you believe something, but they are mainly based on your past experiences and have very little to do with what’s actually going on.

Is it always easy? Heck, no. I, too, often get caught up in stories in my head, so much so that I start believing what I tell myself. It takes daily work and self-awareness to rise above it and connect to the truth.

And what it does, it makes me feel free and a whole lot happier than I’d be otherwise. No wonder that my passion is helping people find themselves, and I’ll never ever stop doing that, because that’s what life is really about.

Clients sometimes ask me how to deal with those whose conscious awareness is not at the same level. Well, first take responsibility for yourself, your perception and actions taken based on that perception. Learn what stories are playing in your head on repeat.

And when it comes to others we can gently guide them if they’re open to it. If not, they’ll find their truth in their own time, but none of that is your responsibility.

Remember to love people. And then love them some more. 💖

A Woman

What does she see when she looks in the mirror?
A wanderer or a lost soul?
Uncontrollable passion that hasn’t been expressed
Or wild dreams and big hopes she wishes to live, but hasn’t dared to yet?
She feels inky shadows and pain; they seem real and they haunt her.
They’re not real – they were made up, years ago, to protect her.
She sees them, she feels them – she goes back in time along tracks of memory where they can be found.
She sees the same woman, but not grown up yet – she’s a little baby
creating definitions of the world around her.
She meets her reflection – a warrior who loves to explore,
who enjoys laughter and freedom, makes choices and isn’t afraid anymore.
She smiles at herself, because she knows now – her heart is much stronger
than the memories her mind has been holding on for too long.
So who is she? A mother? A lover? A daughter? A child who’s afraid to grow up?
The more she lets people know her, the more they love her for her;
She’s a sacred and never fully understood mysterious language of gods,
a turbulent gust of cold air, she’s a fire, and the calm after a storm in the sea.
But more so than anything, she’s the master of her own infinite creative power and beautiful feminine essence designed to connect with the gods.

Pretty Lies

In a moment of icy crystal like clarity
My wounded heart was beating so loud, in a dusky restaurant,
I was afraid that he would hear it and ask about the wide eyed look and rose-pink hot-flushed cheeks
When suddenly I saw my own fear infused, ever expanding, like a stain of blue ink on a white satin sheet, insanity.
What I was trying to achieve, perhaps not what, but how, it startled me, stabbed me to my core with a pair of cold, stainless steel scissors
By betraying my own tired heart, by going for something that has never been true for me which I knew right from the tangled-web-like start;
I hurt myself like a bird fallen from the sky that didn’t spread its wings and violently crashed to the cemented ground.
This wasn’t a life anymore, but pretty lies to me, my soul and I.
Running from my own truth. Lacking the courage to ignite a fire in my jaded heart. Not allowing myself to believe, not allowing to love.
Except that the lies weren’t pretty anymore.
And even though, out of marmite ridden guilt or maybe fear, I’ve still tried, the convincing, ghostly blindness which used to be my friend,
Didn’t have that hypnotic power over me anymore as much.
The truth has pierced its eyes wide open. It made me feel the flowery drops of dew in early morning on my thirsty skin. It’s slowly steered me towards a clearing in the bleak and shapeless day, perhaps it’s impelled me in the direction of love.
I was left alone. Again. To figure things out.
To choose yet another voyager sailboat in the stormy ocean, no, not even on solid ground.
Well, either that or stick to something that I’ve known – the pretty lies. The ones that I’ve been using to betray my own heart.
And all I needed to realise the truth was a conversation with the perfect stranger in a candlelit restaurant with casual yet stylish deco,
Where waiters smile at you and treat you like a king;
In the city restaurant filled with hope and expectations, of multiple hearts looking for home – to belong, to feel safe, to run wild and to accept themselves.
The arrogant stranger who shook me to my core, I thank him.
He tossed a shiny golden coin onto darkest ground and disappeared into his granite castle. And in that way he’s perfect. Never to be seen again yet never forgotten.
I picked up the coin with my cold, trembling hands and promised to my heart that I’d pay the price to listen to my soul until the language that it speaks to me feels finally like home.

The Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction and focusing on the positive – something that many people talk about nowadays. And it often can be great, but what most people don’t realise is that they also need to deal with what’s in their unconscious mind (limiting beliefs/assumptions and perception formed in line with the beliefs). In other words, it’s what they’re telling themselves just beneath the level of conscious awareness.

And because belief creates reality until it’s brought into conscious awareness it will shape a lot in one’s life – often in such subtle ways that it will be hard to spot it at first. It’s important to know that the more you focus on what you want the more your unconscious beliefs get triggered, and so, two very different forces are at play.

Very often, what may appear as bad luck or unfortunate circumstance is nothing more than us creating our reality, unconsciously, yet not even being aware that we do it. If you really want to experience life to its fullest depths please do yourself a favour and get to know yourself. And no, it won’t always be pleasant, but nothing will make you more awake and empowered. Because only when you know what you believe about yourself, others and the world, only then you can do something about it.

Many of us are afraid to admit to ourselves or others when things aren’t great in life, because we believe that we need to maintain the mask of perfection and that we’ll be rejected if we show our true selves. But is it true? Or is it what we’re telling ourselves?

Don’t wait for a better tomorrow to come. You’re a powerful creator and it really is possible to experience what you’ve only dreamed of for so long. Regardless of whether you’ve created great achievements or a lot of pain and failure, the key point is that you’re always the one who creates your reality. And choosing what we create, as any other skill, can be learnt and used to a great extent. 🌟🌎🌗💖

When the Heart is Cut

It’s so easy to keep the heart closed and to believe that in doing so we will protect it from any future pain and hurt. But, what really happens, that assumed protection is exactly what ends up hurting us even more. What is life without love?

When the heart is closed, we live in fear and are focused on avoiding pain, and as many of us know, focus creates reality. We rush, we run, we distract ourselves with busy lifestyles, just to avoid emotions, and so it becomes harder and harder to acknowledge and accept how we really feel.

When the heart is closed, love can’t flow through, and when we deny love to others, we also deny it to ourselves. Without self love we can’t truly flourish, and life then, often, loses real meaning.

Yet, there’s only so long you can run away from yourself. The ice has to crack one day. Face what has happened to you, allow yourself to feel, however painful it may be, and choose to keep the heart open. Pain doesn’t last forever, love does. And, most importantly, you get to choose what emotions you give the power to.

I came across this beautiful poem, by Michael Leunig, in one of my favourite restaurants last night. Considering that it was in the dessert menu, all I can say is that life is sweet. 🌸🌍🌻🦋

When the heart
Is cut or cracked or broken,
Do not clutch it;
Let the wound lie open.
Let the wind
From the good old sea blow in
To bathe the wound with salt,
And let it sting.
Let a stray dog lick it,
Let a bird lean in the hole and sing
A simple song like a tiny bell,
And let it ring.

Elena’s Story

I met a woman yesterday (let’s call her Elena) and she shared an incredible story. I’ll tell you a little shorter version of it, but tell you I must.
 
Elena has had some heart complications for most of her life; and one time, in the presence of her mother, she went into cardiac arrest. The mother was crying and shouting that her daughter was dead, and she kept telling Elena that she loved her and was asking her not to go.

Elena remembered hearing her mother’s words and by the time her mother had said, ‘love’ for the 3rd time, in her unconscious state, Elena suddenly saw a tall column of bright white light with lots of number sequences in it, moving at incredible speed. And that column of light flowed into her heart and Elena regained consciousness. She described what she experienced as ‘god’.

The story made me think of two things: 

1. There’s no more powerful force than love 
2. There’s light in each and every one of us

So let go of past pains and disappointments, don’t hold onto memories which you cannot change. Stop going back and thinking about what could have been done differently. Even if you’re hurt, connect to what’s higher in people and even if you cannot love, at least acknowledge and appreciate that part of them and, most importantly, let go. Because the person transformed by that experience will be you. Because you deserve to be free. 

What’s yours will always find you, but the key is to be open enough to receive it.  What we want most is often within arms reach, but we’re so blinded by our ego that we refuse to see it. So ask yourself, what is it that you truly want, but are not allowing yourself to have it? And remember, we’re infinitely loved and guided. We are love. ♥️